Monday, March 13, 2006

Another Hills Review

Odd Todd posts funny reviews and he goes to see lots of movies. I always check to see what he says, even if I don't agree. He's a real guy talking about movies, not a movie critic being paid to find symbolism that doesn't exist in shitty movies. Anyway, he gave Hills Have Eyes two cookies, which I think is too much. But he said exactly what I was thinking in many places, particularly, these quotes...

It's totally a shame that I had to break my long movie fast by chowing down on this near-rancid overcooked slab of blecch. But whatever. Movie beggars can't be choosers. But by the way, Hey Hollywood! If I hear you complain once more that people aren't going out to your movies anymore because of dvd piracy I'm gonna yack! Look at the stinky chum you're now consistently churning out! At this rate you're eventually gonna put the friggin dvd pirates out of business! I can steal movies all day if I want to! But I don't because I like seeing them on the big screen! Everyone I know likes the big screen! The people who are really busy stealing your precious movies are your friggin kids who have megaplasma giant screen surround sound in their houses! The same kids who burn your Oscar screeners and put them on the market for friggin X money! Clean up your own backyard before pointing fingers at us regular folk! Eh? Feh! Ok.

All in all don't bother with this. Besides being stupid-- they stoop into desperately tacky here and there. Put it this way, (although this is a slight spoiler. sorry.) Just because they can have a gross mutant faced freak hold a gun to a baby's head while he sucks breast milk from the mother's boob -- doesn't mean they have to go there. Sort out your issues with your shrink on your own time.

Check out the whole review. It's great, though I'm a little confused how this got a higher rating than Flight Plan, which wasn't great, but certainly didn't suck worse than The Hills Have Eyes. Not even close. He also gave it a higher rating than Longest Yard and equal to Sahara. I know the ratings are meant to be exclusive to the movie being reviewed, and reviews always come down to initial expectations, but this one was just horrible - I'd have given it no cookie. No cookie for you!

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