Chaotic aka Can You Handle My Truth

For the best in catty, please see Go Fug Yourself. For Stacy's and my attempt at it, please read on.

So it begins...

Brtney, "My love doesn't scare me; other people's love scares me."

Brtney in close association with Kvin, present Our Story

It's Raw

Look at me; look at us; look at me; look at me; look at me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Clips from The Onyx Hotel tour skip to night-cam images of horrific Brtney face. Is she high?!

Stacy, "This whole show is toxic."
W, "No, they don't look like boobs; they look like knees, idiot."
S, "You could call it 'They look like boobs, but they're NOT. They're my KNEES.'"
W, "It's a piano that you will NEVER play."

commitment and relationships:
Brtney asks her hairstylist and those around her about commitment. "Free Healthcare."
B, "I don't believe in marriage. I've been there, but that was a different story."
W, "But I'll be married in less than five months from now."
S, "She's red."

Flicia - Brtney's assistant
W, "Poor woman."
S, "Wow, Brtney likes her close-ups."

Brtney's ideal guy should not be "shit-face ugly." She's seen a lot, and hopes her man hasn't because she wants to see everything through him. Her hairstylist wants a rich man.

Going to TRL - in London.
She gets antsy in cars. She gets real antsy out of cars, too. She also sings along with Eminem using guttural noises, not words.

And sometimes Stacy and I don't know what to say, so we just look at each other, and laugh.

W, "What the F is that black leather Michael Jackson thing she's wearing?"

It's essential that TRL inspire her with lots of cute guys because she hasn't been on a date in a while. She's tapdancing on the side stage.

W, "Are those strings or highlights in her hair?"
S, "Look at me. If you didn't notice me, I'll do another close-up. Touch my leg, Stephen Dorf." Otherwise known as that song with Stephen Dorf in the video, with the mock suicide at the end.

Brtney now asks her dancers about commitment.
So far, no one believes in marriage on this show. And they are all Bitter Betties.

W, "Nooooooo! Brtney Spears just used my phrase! Damnit. Is Bitter Betty a southern thing? F---! How dare she!"
S, "Maybe you have more in common with Brtney than you think.... She just said it again."
W, "She takes every single cliche she's ever heard and drops at least one into every sentence."
S, "Her parents know she's trampy. Don't they? They have to, after all this?"
W, "Oooh, look, another shot up Brtney's nose!"
S, "Look at me, look at me, look at me."

Brtney, "I'm not all about sex, y'all"
B, "There's a time in every woman's life when ... you should be your hot mama self."
S, "Wouldn't she just drive you up the wall?"

Brtney tells her friend that she needs to get laid because her friend needs to get laid and/or take a valium.

Pre-show prep at Wembly Arena. She sings more.
W, "The girl has a decent voice if she'd cut out all that computer crap. She can't be singing for real on stage. There's just no way. If she is, there's got to be a backing track."

Slave for You live.

W, "She just can't be really singing that. She's not singing that."
W, "Oh look, her nose and eyes, AGAIN."
S, "Figure out the camera!"
W, "Ok, I do like the star-light ceiling."
S, "Oh my God, she needs to calm herself down!"

Brtney, "People can take away everything from you, but they can't take away your truth. But the question is, 'Can you handle it? Can you handle my truth? Can you? I don't know. Hahahahaha.'"

S, "This is where she wants to be like Madonna in Truth or Dare."

"What is your favorite sex position," is the question of the day during this part of the show.

W, "Wow, so I'm glad that thousands of little girls probably asked their parents for permission to stay up and watch this. Fantastic."
JC from NSync will not answer. He's shy.
W, "Oh, wait, he has class! Strange!"
S, "She was wanting someone to ask."
W, "But now she won't answer. F---ing tease."
W, "Brtney's teeth! Pig snout!"
S, "Have you noticed how everyone in the room laughs. They like crack up."

More live clips, this one with a cross-dressing fat man.

W, "I don't think she could try much harder to be Madonna."
S, "The boxy outfit."
W, "What is that? It's not at all flattering. It's like a frilly girdle."

She realized on tour that there was this huge void. Why not bring this guy she met in LA a few weeks ago to London?

W, "Oh, I don't know, cause you've only met him once - a few weeks ago."
W, "Brtney was obviously pregnant when filming the interview portions of the show. Show them boobs, baby!"

He was living with his friend from back home.

S, "Not with my baby's momma."

Insert global cringe during close-up of Cletus McK-Fed.
Kvin, "I don't know, something just happened."
S, "Money happened."
S, "She was really thinking, 'I am not going on tour until you shower.'"

Brtney and Kvin debate who told whom to leave, and it's like the insecurity Olympics. Then he says he felt "wanted."

Kvin, "I feel that love is love. Love is a commitment. I don't believe in marriage. I believe you can get married. Heheheheh."

S, "Look at his bottle of gin!"
W, "But I'll be married in five months. I've got one baby with another woman whose pregnant right now."

Kvin doesn't need a certificate or ring to make him feel closer to someone.

W, "Apparently only a velour jumpsuit that says 'Pimp.'"
Brtney asks Kvin what makes sex different from girl to girl. Kvin gives the standard, I want to f--- this girl, "It's different when you have feelings for a girl."

Her bodyguard saw it from the beginning. Didn't like the guy.

Night vision cam - S, "Look at him in the green. He looks like the devil."

S, "They're not tipsy drunk."
W, "No, they're high."
W, "Take a drag on that sexy sexy cigarette, honey. You're so hot in green cam, with a cigarette, talking about Brad Pitt."
S, "look at him! Did you see him?"
S, "Is that all this show is about? I mean, is it?
W, "Uh-huh."

Still in London.

W, "So, what's it been, a couple days, weeks?"
S, "She brought that guy out there to sleep with him."
Brtney, "Everyone has their own interpretation of what things mean to them."
W, "Look, here's Kvin out of the shower, naked."

Brtney, "Let's don't go. Let's just F--- all day."
S, "Her laugh is irking my nerves."
W, "Is that a Rosemary Clooney CD that Brtney just put in the CD player?"

Brtney back on stage, burping into the mike in Wembly Arena for sound check.

W, "Flicia, turn the camera upright! Damnit woman."
S, "I don't know, she held up several fingers." (Regarding the number of times Brtney had sex that day. )

Now we get to see Kvin the shower.
W, "At least we now know that he does shower."

Brtney thinks Pink is very cool. The singer. And her sex with Kevin is very cool. Ecstasy. Three times today. He's sweet, and she likes him.

W, "That's it. It's over?"
S, "That's their chaotic life? She brought him to London to have sex."

Scenes from next week...

W, "Oh, I didn't get it."
S, "We'll have to watch it next week."