Sunday, October 07, 2007

Credit where it's due

This came from Vanity Fair, and I love it. A partial questionnaire that will help you know your Asshole Footprint.

Ages 14-25
2. Do you leave vitriolic comments in the "Comments" sections of blogs and Web site, even if you're commenting on something innocuous, such as an old Linkin Park video?
2a. When leaving such comments, do you use such rote Internet pejoratives as "asshat," "douchebag," and "'tard"?
7. Is your name Skylar, Tyler, Taylor, Cat, Bryce, Morgan, Brandon, Braden, Hayden Jaden, Brianna, or Keegan?

Ages 26-39
1. Do you work in an office with a Foosball or Ping Pong table?
3. Does it take more than three words to describe what you do for a living?
5. Do you refer to ordinary male pastimes and accessories with such terms as "man-caution," "man-date," "man-purse," "man-orexic," and "man-olos"?
6. Before you go out bicycling, do you first change into iridescent spandex shorts and a skintight spandex shirt with a gaudy pattern recalling a 1990s screen saver?
7a. If you do indeed have young children, have you launched a blog, or, worse, a video blog, about raising them?

Ages 40-55
7. When your companion gets up to use the facilities at a restaurant, are you incapable of passing even the smallest blip of solitary time without theatrically scrolling or tapping on your BlackBerry, Treo, or iPhone?

How to reduce your asshole footpring: Some Tips
1. Read a book to a small child, and not in a "Cool! I read that when I was a kid!" way.
3. Refrain from using the construction, "Mmmm, I want me some..."
5. Do not leave any comments in any "Comments" section, on any ocasion, ever.


Russell said...

I can't wait to take this quiz.


Russell said...

After further review, I have zero asshole footprint. I'm sure this will cause everyone to scratch their heads and then assume that the quiz asked the wrong questions.

galarza said...

2a. When leaving such comments, do you use such rote Internet pejoratives as "asshat," "douchebag," and "'tard"?


Russell said...

Wrong age group. I'm in the clear.